I've had it on my mind...
Clogged arteries.
At first, I was thinking about it spiritually...
My spiritual heart getting all gunked up with worry, anxiety, lack of trust, fear, wrong attitudes, self-indulgence, sin in general.
But I couldn't find the words to write about it.
So I thought about another kind of clogged artery....Writer's Block. Afraid to write from the heart.
I don't want to exploit my husband in this blog. Basically it's my open journal. My safe place to talk from my heart. Hopefully someone will find a word of encouragement...know you are not alone...hang on to hope.
Sometimes my progress is paralyzed...clogged artery...can't get moving forward.
Then I thought back to the cancer journey over a decade ago now. In some ways, I have not moved forward from Tim's illness back then, despite the fact he is fine (as far as cancer is concerned) now. I used to be the Queen of Christmas. I had all my cards ready to mail by December 1. Presents were in the mail on time. I hardly write any cards and never seem to get them out on time. I am always late with gifts.
It's not a pity party. Just reflecting. Wondering...how now to unclog my arteries?
How to identify what is plugging up the system.
How to move forward.
One thing serious illness does..it confronts you with the question: How will you make the most of life now?
Life is precious. A gift. A treasure. An adventure. An opportunity.
A process.
Ah, that's it!
One pebble at a time.
Saying no to just one bacon bit more. lol
One day at a time.
I think the pressure on my heart just lifted a bit.
Cleaning...clearing...coping...
And hoping
For the best for all. <3
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Eating Right...Eating, Right???
Oy vey.
I am 50 years old. I am a fat mama. Not a "phat" mama as they used to say--did anyone ever say those two words together? Did I just say something wrong? So uncool!
I am the heaviest weight I have ever been in my half century on earth. Fear keeps me frozen and fat...fear of failing. Silly, I know.
Now, the specter of heart disease looms large for my husband and I ignored our health.
So, what have I been thinking about???
Many things...changing to a healthy lifestyle...needed change, especially in eating habits.
I came home from work and sat on Keshia's bed (youngest daughter who lives with us) and had one of those sweet (and calorie-free!) mother-daughter talks.
Keshia had ordered a small pizza for lunch. She let me have the last two pieces. I commented that I am not supposed to eat this any more.
No more pizza. No more fried chicken. No more junk food.
My feast of 50 years is falling apart....but so am I!!
The funny thing was I shared the new things we need to eat with Keshia:
nuts..but I like those!
fruits and vegetables..but I like them!
fish three times a week...but I like that, too!
Not so bad! I like the new foods and they are good for me!
Now to convince Hubby who would not let me buy low-sodium ketchup today (we probably shouldn't be ingesting ketchup, either!)
On our drive to the grocery store, we were talking about an unrelated problem Tim is dealing with ... I said, "Well, you can't worry about that. You have bigger fish to fry.....Correction: you have bigger to fish to sautee!"
Flip that fish out of the frying pan, honey!
I am 50 years old. I am a fat mama. Not a "phat" mama as they used to say--did anyone ever say those two words together? Did I just say something wrong? So uncool!
I am the heaviest weight I have ever been in my half century on earth. Fear keeps me frozen and fat...fear of failing. Silly, I know.
Now, the specter of heart disease looms large for my husband and I ignored our health.
So, what have I been thinking about???
Many things...changing to a healthy lifestyle...needed change, especially in eating habits.
I came home from work and sat on Keshia's bed (youngest daughter who lives with us) and had one of those sweet (and calorie-free!) mother-daughter talks.
Keshia had ordered a small pizza for lunch. She let me have the last two pieces. I commented that I am not supposed to eat this any more.
No more pizza. No more fried chicken. No more junk food.
My feast of 50 years is falling apart....but so am I!!
The funny thing was I shared the new things we need to eat with Keshia:
nuts..but I like those!
fruits and vegetables..but I like them!
fish three times a week...but I like that, too!
Not so bad! I like the new foods and they are good for me!
Now to convince Hubby who would not let me buy low-sodium ketchup today (we probably shouldn't be ingesting ketchup, either!)
On our drive to the grocery store, we were talking about an unrelated problem Tim is dealing with ... I said, "Well, you can't worry about that. You have bigger fish to fry.....Correction: you have bigger to fish to sautee!"
Flip that fish out of the frying pan, honey!
Welcome
Welcome!
If you read my intro, I inadvertently forgot to mention I am not married to the beautiful BC Lion player in the photo! I am married to the love of my life. Tim and I celebrated 29 years of marriage on January 14, 2013. (Not in the same way at all, but I do love my BC Lions AND Vancouver Canucks!) :D
We have traveled far together...both literally and figuratively in all those years. We have lived in Nova Scotia, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Alberta and beautiful British Columbia (each province is beautiful, mind you!)
We have two beautiful healthy daughters who bring us great joy.
In October 1999, our happy little world fell apart when Tim was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. One week later (November), he had his thyroid removed and January to March 2000 saw him endure 34 external beam radiation treatments, along with a couple follow-up radioactive iodine treatments. 5 years later, we praise God he was declared cancer-free!
Over the past year, last summer especially, Tim noticed his energy plummeting. He was having a lot of joint pain, but being diabetic and a cancer survivor, he chalked it up to maybe arthritis coming on and old age. Grrr. He has always considered himself an old man. I am five and a half years younger and I can't stand that he thinks he is a senior citizen...well, now I guess he kind of is but he is too stubborn to ask for the discount at Denny's! :D
Last week, Tim had an angiogram and we thought it would be followed by angioplasty. Big surprise! Open heart surgery is the next chapter in our journey...our Journey into Heart Land.
If you read my intro, I inadvertently forgot to mention I am not married to the beautiful BC Lion player in the photo! I am married to the love of my life. Tim and I celebrated 29 years of marriage on January 14, 2013. (Not in the same way at all, but I do love my BC Lions AND Vancouver Canucks!) :D
We have traveled far together...both literally and figuratively in all those years. We have lived in Nova Scotia, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Alberta and beautiful British Columbia (each province is beautiful, mind you!)
We have two beautiful healthy daughters who bring us great joy.
In October 1999, our happy little world fell apart when Tim was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. One week later (November), he had his thyroid removed and January to March 2000 saw him endure 34 external beam radiation treatments, along with a couple follow-up radioactive iodine treatments. 5 years later, we praise God he was declared cancer-free!
Over the past year, last summer especially, Tim noticed his energy plummeting. He was having a lot of joint pain, but being diabetic and a cancer survivor, he chalked it up to maybe arthritis coming on and old age. Grrr. He has always considered himself an old man. I am five and a half years younger and I can't stand that he thinks he is a senior citizen...well, now I guess he kind of is but he is too stubborn to ask for the discount at Denny's! :D
Last week, Tim had an angiogram and we thought it would be followed by angioplasty. Big surprise! Open heart surgery is the next chapter in our journey...our Journey into Heart Land.
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